Baby Steps

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Can’t believe it but I am actually here again.    Some of you who know me may find this hard to believe but I am not very comfortable with self promotion.   It isn’t that I don’t believe in myself, which I believe to be the usual issue with such endeavors, but more so the fear of believing in myself coming across as arrogant.  I am one who really needs to be well thought of.  I had this silly notion that at my age I wouldn’t care what people thought of me but I really really care.  Please don’t think I am fishing for anything because, lets face it, assurances and compliments that follow a statement like that, truly do ring a bit hollow.  We all want to jump in and make that person feel better and honesty sometimes feels a little cruel.  Such a statements  sometimes, and certainly in this case, are really an attempt to exorcise some sort of demon that keeps us from going after something or following some path we are actually meant to be on.  Somewhere in my subconscious (really since I was about 5 years old.) I have grappled with this.  I have always had this keen sense of my purpose in life.  That is not to say that  I only have one, as I believe we all have several, but in one area I have always felt certain.  MUSIC.  From a very young age I knew I could sing.  I knew that it had an effect on people and I knew it most certainly had an effect on me.  Nothing seemed to soothe or elate in quite the same way and nothing has changed since I was 5.  I imagine it might have been even earlier than that but I can’t remember back that far.  It is troubling to me though, to remember my own internal conversation, that it isn’t o.k. to say that out loud.  People would think you were “stuck up” or full of yourself and we can’t have that   can we.  I don’t think I am alone in that.  It wasn’t until my senior year in high school that I decided to bite the bullet as it were and sing anyway.  It was about 2 or 3 years out of high school that I decided to play a song that I had written.  I did go on to play on stage and sing in church but I did so almost apologetically.  It’s crazy to enter the world of music, think you are going to make a living of it, and do so apologetically.   Why bother.  If you have something to say, why whisper?  The question of the day.  It is my goal to make some changes and I will explain how in my next post.  Thanks for stopping by.

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One response »

  1. AWESOME! So proud of you for jumping in! I look forward to visiting with you via your blog- if not in person. love, love, love!

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