In a nutshell

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How do I even start today?  Have you ever noticed how, just when you decide to take action on something you have been putting off, it seems like everything in the universe is conspiring against you actually getting it done.  Everything you feared, all of the usual excuses are screaming in your head.  No?  Well, maybe it’s just me.  It just brings me to the actual reason I started all of this in the first place.

I decided that this was going to be my year to actual start and finish a new CD.  I wanted to blog about it and share my journey but also to actually say out loud what my intentions were.  Somehow it makes me accountable to myself.    If I say it loud enough and in such a way that somebody hears me, I have to follow through.  Follow through has never been my strong suit.  I have impressed myself at times ,with some pretty cool ideas that never make it to fruit.  I only seem to make it to the check out counter with about $100 worth of excuses.  My  best one, the most expensive one, my go to excuse for just about everything in my life…..”I don’t have enough money for that.”

I have to pause a moment for that.

It really pains me to write that even now.  I know it is an excuse because I have seen so many of my friends make CD’s with a dime and I lot of determination.  They are willing to grovel or simply ask for freebies or to ask people to work for potential money.  I have a friend who actually bartered babysitting or free gigs in exchange for studio time and a fiddle player.  Her CD by the way, was a stunning piece of work.

What about you early CD you ask?  It wasn’t something I was ever proud of.  The songs were good and I would still stand by them but the production was a mess and it was really slapped together because of the timing and circumstances at that time.  I didn’t have enough experience or confidence to communicate what I wanted and it was really my first time in the studio.  Enough said.   I want something new, something that sounds like me in my own voice.  I can hear it in my head , I know what I want.  It’s about time.

In the Trenches,  my new concept.   I am, in some aspects of my life, at war with myself.  I am fighting against all my old excuses and fears.  I am learning to listen to my inner voice and not let anyone or anything come between me and my goal.  Just saying that makes me want quit.  It makes my heart pound and I think I feel a little bit like throwing up.   It’s out there in the world and there’s no turning back now.  Maybe you would like to jump off the boat now and swim for the shore.  Maybe you are in for the mess that I will be wading through in the next few  weeks….months…years?   Maybe you are in  your own trench of sorts and we can  somehow move forward side by side.   Maybe I should write you a check as it feels like I am at the therapist’s office.  I promise to get through this with as little pain as possible.

I think it will be a lot of fun and full of humor and pit falls but I am committed.  Yea me.  (sorry for the cheer but I am learning to be my own cheer leader and I don’t have to wear any embarrassing little out fits)  Thanks for stopping by.

Thanks for stopping by.

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