Nobody ever told me (maybe they did) how hard parenting is. I think that I have said this before but it bares repeating. I find myself so strangely connected to them all, and in some ways, I feel like I am living all my childhood joys and sorrows over again. My child hood memories are so present for me. I don’t let anything go and I have always struggled with that. I can relive a hurt that happened years ago and feel it like it was only yesterday. It is a blessing and a curse. A lot of my life seems to fall into that category.
I often thought that it made me a better song writer. I could empathize with anyone as far back as I can remember. If someone was getting picked on at school or ostracized for some reason I would find myself back at home in my room crying as if I was the one being hurt. I had more than my fair share of teasing (is it ever really fair) but I have survived it all knowing then, as I do now, that I wouldn’t go back to those days for all the tea in China. I know we have talked about that before but I have often asked myself… does this make me a better song writer? would I give up song writing if it meant I could be someone else? I still don’t have an answer for that but I will say that song writing is the most frustrating rewarding thing I have ever experienced. It’s not much different than parenting in that way.
My number one child just told me this morning that at a birthday party he recently attended, the birthday boy told him he didn’t want to invite him but his dad made him. My heart just sunk. I asked him why he kept it to himself for so long and he said it didn’t really matter. He said he found someone else to hang out with and he didn’t let it get to him. First off… that is TOTALLY out of character for him. I told him I was proud of the way he handled it but I honestly can’t stop crying about it. I know that he handled it well but I also know that he is a lot like me and it has been floating around in his head for the last 2 weeks.
He started playing guitar and already wrote a song in the same time frame. Can I save him the heartache……should I? This is going to take some time to figure out.