The Apple and the Tree

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Nobody ever told me (maybe they did) how hard parenting is.  I think that I have said this before but it bares repeating.  I find myself so strangely connected to them all, and in some ways, I feel like I am living all my childhood joys and sorrows  over again.   My child hood memories are so present for me.  I don’t let anything go and I have always struggled with that.   I can relive a hurt that happened years ago and feel it like it was only yesterday.   It is a blessing and a curse.  A lot of my life seems to fall into that category.

I often thought that it made me a better song writer.  I could empathize with anyone as far back as I can remember.   If someone was getting picked on at school or ostracized for some reason I would find myself back at home in my room crying as if I was the one being hurt.   I had more than my fair share of teasing (is it ever really fair) but I have survived it all knowing then, as I do now, that I wouldn’t go back to those days for all the tea in China.  I know we have talked about that before but I have often asked myself…  does this make me a better song writer?  would I give up song writing if it meant I could be someone else?   I still don’t have an answer for that but I will say that song writing is the most frustrating rewarding thing I have ever experienced.  It’s not much different than parenting in that way.

My number one child just told me this morning that  at a birthday party he recently attended, the birthday boy told him he didn’t want to invite him but his dad made him.   My heart just sunk.   I asked him why he kept it to himself for so long and he said it didn’t really matter.  He said he found someone else to hang out with and he didn’t let it get to him.   First off… that is TOTALLY out of character for him.   I told him I was proud of the way he handled it but I honestly can’t stop crying about it.   I know that he handled it well but I also know that he is a lot like me and it has been floating around in his head for the last 2 weeks.

He started playing guitar and already wrote a song in the same time frame.   Can I save him the heartache……should I?   This is going to take some time to figure out.

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One response »

  1. Please send me the name and address of the child who broke his heart, so I can go beat him up!

    It’s the hardest thing to watch: your child’s HURT. We can’t protect them from it, but it’s almost impossible to control our emotions about it, too- probably because we’ve all been there, too.

    Of course you know you just have to let him LIVE this- like your parents let you. It IS what shapes our emotional depth and maturity as adults.
    You try to give him the tools to cope (apparently, you’re doing just fine in that department), and hope that he uses them as needed. He’s a smart, sensitive boy, and he’s going to need to know he’s capable of handling hurt.
    That’s the crucial element that we parents tend to overlook sometimes when we’re trying to prepare them for “real” life : because we can’t possibly teach them every single thing they will need to know in their lifetime, we have to teach them to TRUST THEMSELVES to make good choices, and to know they have the power to handle anything that comes along… even without their parents’ help. Faith in God is a huge part of that, but given that many go through doubts there, too, a basic, deep knowledge that they are capable of taking care of themselves physically and emotionally is probably the greatest gift we can give our children.
    Beyond that, you just pray for clarity, guidance and patience… and let them walk their paths.
    But, man, it kills ya!

    ps- I look forward to hearing the music he makes, too!

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