You’ll have to excuse me while I pat myself on the back. I took a big step today toward, what I think is a really concrete effort, to actually getting this thing done. I asked for help. Yea me! I didn’t stop to think about what someone might think of me (“she’s crazy”) or if they would even want to help….I just asked. I don’t like being needy as much as I don’t like going to the dentist. I have had to be in sooooo many ways and it makes me feel a little sick. When I have had to ask for help, be it financial (which most of the time it is) or time oriented, it has resulted in lots of tears and time spent in bed. “Why can’t I just take care of myself” or better yet “when will I be in the position to help someone else.” I feel like I am always on the receiving end and I HATE that. But this time……I see it as a means to an end and actually saw that maybe the person I asked was waiting for me to do so.
What this all really boils down to is that I feel like this project needs to see the light of day and I will do anything to make it happen. I am not letting myself get stuck in my usual fears and excuses. Don’t get me wrong… I still go there but the difference is that I just don’t stay there.
So what does this mean, if anything, to you? Well I am committing myself to doing a small backyard concert at my home before the summer is over. I can showcase some new things and maybe even sing a few of the older songs that I haven’t done for some time. Who knows, I might even throw in a cover or two. I thought it might actually be a good way to get people interested in this new project and maybe even raise some funds to get it done! Stay tuned!
So I am sitting here and listening to my new favorite song. I heard it on my satellite radio station yesterday. Of course I went right to ITunes and down loaded it and have listened to it about 100 times since then. When it is good….there’s nothing better than music. I never understood why my teenage cohorts were doing drugs when there was good music out there. I’ve never done drugs (so maybe I can’t say) but give me a good song or vocal or guitar lick and I am like a junkie. I can’t get enough! I told my husband yesterday that I was so jealous I could spit. All I have EVER wanted to do is make good music. Doesn’t matter what genre….it just has to be good. It doesn’t even have to be written by me I just want to sing more than anything I have ever wanted in my life (except for a life love which I have already taken care of) it is all heaven sent! I am inspired and my spirit is renewed.
I had a little taste of it on the 4th. My brothers (oldest and youngest) and I and a good friend of ours sat out in the shade of my mom’s back yard and played together. My youngest brother plays a stand up bass and our friend played the dobro (that day) and myself and m y other brother played guitars. There is something about the gentle lean in that comes with singing harmony. It isn’t forced or required but it comes from the desire to connect your voice to something bigger and really get lost in the bigger sound. It is hard to describe the feelings but I know that they come from the very core of my being and they have to be fed.
If you haven’t noticed….I am totally amped! “What is this song that has got her going” you might ask. It’s a song called Heaven Sent by a band called The Steeldrivers. Crazy good (to me) Now if you are adventurous …go find it, listen and enjoy! Really go, do now!
I am in talks at the moment to record a demo of sorts for the first song. It was the song that really started this whole process and it is a song about my dad. Right now I am looking at releasing this one song on a disc for early preview but it will come at a price.
The summer months really make me think a lot about my dad. His birthday is in August and he died in the early part of September. Those last few weeks with him were really incredible. The range of emotions was like nothing I had ever experienced. Throw in being pregnant and knowing that I was about to lose my home and you have the makings of the perfect storm. Anywho….the summer months are also when I gear up for the Memory Walk which benefits the Alzheimer’s association. It isn’t until November but this is when I start thinking about fund raising. I decided that it would be good to sell the demo as a way of raising money for the walk. It all sort of came together the other day while I was in the shower (I do a lot of song writing in there as well)
Right now it is a matter of finding the time when everyone is available and finding some money for the space to do it. That could mean creating my own space or renting the studio time. Either way it is going to be a challenge and I’m sure I will be hopping onto a bit of an emotional roller coaster as well. Isn’t that what summer is all about……adventure and roller coasters? We will see.
I hope to put together a little fund raising concert as well. I will keep you posted on the progress and hope you will be able to be a part of it.
So the CD is done…..conceptually anyway. I am always open to a shift but as of now the songs have spoken. I really wasn’t thinking about themes per say, when it came to the song writing (lyrically speaking) but I was really thinking about the music and hoping I could keep everything cohesive. I’m not one to try and manipulate the music. I have always sort of taken it as it comes and tried to listen and follow. For some of you that may sound crazy but almost every thing I have ever written, of worth anyway, has come that way. When I can plug in, it comes so fast at times it’s hard to keep up and really…stay out of the way.
When I made my other CD so long ago, I was always so frustrated by the process of recording and of course then, the product. There was this mad rush to get it done, I was running out of money and the band was breaking up. I was pushed to get more songs done than were really right to put on the disc and others that should have been on were left off because there wasn’t enough time to work them out in the studio. I was never happy with the sonic quality of the recording and truly, I thought, it just wasn’t very well thought out. The one nice thing I can say is that I still believe in the song quality and that it was a HUGE learning experience for me. I know better now.
So I was thinking about the theme that seems to be emerging this time around. With out intention I seem to be writing a lot of love songs. They aren’t mind you, your typical pop love songs, but more sort of love songs to my family. They are less about infatuation and heart ache, and more about real life, forever love in all it’s glory. Sometimes born out of frustration, songs for my kids, are about what I want for them and how much I would do for them while knowing that they really are on their own path and are who they are. Sometimes the lines are a bit blurred (the song is called Truly) and a song starts out being about my son and turns into a song about my husband and how lucky I feel to have them all in my life. They are heaven sent (even when they are driving me crazy) This CD is really about the BIG LOVE that is just overwhelming and deep and practical and miraculous all rolled up into one.
Now if only I could keep it in one or two genres it might actually start to sound like an album one could listen to all the way through. For some reason that last sentence has me singing “We’re off to see the wizard” only there is no yellow brick road and the wizard has yet to reveal himself to me…..I’m talking about a producer. I know he/she is on their way and I am anxiously awaiting the curtain to open.