How do you make time for yourself when you have four kids and they are all sick? I am supposed to go into the studio tonight, something I have been dreaming of and working for for sometime, and my husband and children are sick. I am, by the way, trying to prepare all for our Thanksgiving trip to Chicago. My poor Southern California body is living in the stress of “how do you dress for 4o degree weather?” I have been spending the last week sleeping on the couch so I can breath (what I think is) cleaner air. I was so afraid I would get sick and not be able to sing tonight. I am afraid this morning, that it may be catching up with me and now I just may be one of those people everyone hates because I will be flying on a plane with a bad cold.
On top of all of that I am responsible for the kids book club today, an after school art class on Thursday and am chairing the Family Game night in December. I finished the second of two original songs I wrote for their holiday program in between wiping my 4 year old’s nose for the thousanth time. We had a dance recital yesterday and a counseling appointment on Wednesday blah blah blah blah blah!
I’m not trying to complain but I guess I really am. I am going to the studio tonight, taking the first step to realizing a dream I have had for some time and I don’t know how to even get excited about that. All this stress has given way to fear and feelings of inadequacy. Who am I kidding? I can’t get all this done and do any of it well. I will of course plow on and apologize to everyone I think I am letting down. The box top lady (another of my school jobs) is out of the office until January. Why do I volunteer for so much. What am I trying to prove. I am just a mom and a wife and musician but somehow I became responsible for more than I can handle…….or can I? I guess only time will tell.
As for the studio…..keep a good thought tonight if you can. Say a little prayer that these first steps on this journey come to fruit at some point. I will keep that in my heart and you will all be a part of this because you have supported me thus far. Thank you.