How is it that we can fall in the same hole over and over again. Wouldn’t you think you would see it coming? Somehow I don’t notice it until I am at the bottom looking up.
The holidays are upon us and already I am so stressed. I haven’t even begun to shop and the stress of it is sucking the joy right out of me. There are so many things going on at the kids school and I (per my norm) volunteer for everything. I want my kids to remember that I was always there for them and somehow that translates into being at the school all the time. My back is not in good shape and unfortunately dragging my guitar back and forth (two long blocks) to school is not helping.
I have to say that there is almost nothing in the world that brings a tear to my eye faster than children singing, especially during the holidays, but it seems like I can’t even enjoy that the way I want to. I do try to capture those quiet moments with my kids at home…you know the ones….sitting in a dimly lit room with a glowing fire while it snows outside and you, all cuddled up on the sofa taking it all in…….WHAT? Never happens at my house. Last night, we didn’t even light our Advent candle because I was tired of relighting it for the tenth time because number four can’t help himself and has to blow it out. I was tired of the fights over who would read the scripture verse or who was touching who……. enough said. I want the family in the movies or in all those holiday commercials. I know someday we will look back and laugh and these will be our favorite stories but right now it doesn’t feel so nice.
The reality is that, yet again, the CD gets pushed to the back burner. The money isn’t there and my focus….well…..it’s my focus which always seems to be very blurry. I am left to wonder if this will ever happen. That still small voice will not give up on it but somehow I am letting that voice down again. The money stress, the school stress, the way too many kids stress…….I can not let all that deter me. This music has got to be heard in it’s best light. To that end….stay tuned. My husband thinks we can get a little snippit of the demo I made up on this site. I’m going to give it a shot so stay tuned. And by the way…..if you get any of those quiet moments….please share and maybe I can live through you all. Happy (and peaceful) Holidays to you all.