Feeling a little frustrated today. First off, after several weeks of successful weight loss I gained a pound this week. I knew what I was doing but I am upset about it none the less but that is really for another blog.
Mostly these days I am frustrated because I can’t seem to get the musicians together to get recording. I can’t even get some of them to respond to my emails even after several promises from them that they will get to it. I get that peoples lives are busy and that they don’t see this project the way I do. I also realize that these “people” are my friends and are doing me a favor but I really am ready to pull my hair out. I am really feeling like I am running out of time to make this thing happen. I wanted it to be completely done by the fall of this year but I haven’t even really begun to get it started. I am starting to consider going it totally solo or having to hire musicians and I don’t have the money for that. Did I already mention how frustrated I am! I am on the war path now and am really seeking out an answer for today. Stay tuned and hopefully this will be a done deal and you will actually be listening to something new in the next few weeks.
Once, long ago, I posted about struggling with a decision. I was trying to figure out if I should spend the money on creating a music studio at my house or to buy a desperately needed new mattress. I few of you weighed in but it was pretty much split 50% 50% so it didn’t really help. At the time, it was all in the “what if” category as I had the money for neither. Well….that changed recently when my father in law won some money in the lottery and decided to share his good fortune with us.
I am here today to share with you that I am anxiously awaiting a good night sleep. We went with the mattress for our health and well being. I know now, that my skills as an engineer are somewhat lacking and I would really rather leave that to the pros. On that note ……I am also putting together the pieces needed to get back in the studio in the next few weeks and actually finish one of the songs. I hope to be able to post it here by the end of March. I am trying to set some deadlines for myself or this CD will never get off the ground. I don’t really want to talk about it in theory anymore and hope to be posting more of the nuts and bolts of the process very soon. It’s time to put my money (ha ha) where my mouth is. My hope is that, with a few weeks of restful sleep, I will be able to hit the ground running. Stay tuned!
Please pray for Kate Mcrae. If you can stand it, follow this link. Make sure you are in a place of strength and that you have a tissue near by. Please pray for her family that their hearts be sustained through this most difficult challenge.
http://www.prayforkate.com/#/photo-gallery/ turn on the sound to hear Kate’s song. Blessings on us all.
Notice anything new? If you have been by the blog in the recent past you might have noticed that I have changed the picture yet again. Time to pull myself out off the winter blue and into the spring green. It’s easier said than done. As of late I have found myself in quite a blue place and just trying to tread water. Perhaps a change of scenery on the blog doesn’t seem like much but I am hoping that small changes on the outside will somehow effect the inside. It used to be that I wanted to run and write music when I felt this way but as of late my focus is less than, well, focused and my energy is even less. It seems a little strange because this time of year is usually my best time of year but I have been carrying around some pretty serious pain in my heart and some times that kind of hurt has to just be there. It takes a long time for me to bring it to the light and express myself. Sometimes it doesn’t come until I am well on the other side of it.
With that in mind I ask you to pray for a good friend of mine who is going through stomach cancer treatment right now and a very young girl who’s name is Kate Mcrae. I have been following her story for some time now on her mother’s blog. I was drawn there by a song which somehow seems fitting, by a woman named Audrey Assad. I mention them all to you in the hopes that you will find them if you are ever wandering the blogisphere.
Kate is a young girl who was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer and who, after a very difficult treatment, has come to find out that her cancer is back and her parents are left with some heavy decisions. You can find out a little bit more here on the word press site. Go to http://aaronmcrae.wordpress.com/ or you can go to http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate and read their incredible story. They have faced this with more grace and faith than I think I could ever muster. Please pray for their family as Kate has a sister and a brother as well. If you go to Audrey Assad’s myspace page you can also hear her song for little Kate. It his heart wrenching and uplifting and reaffirming all at the same time. I think you will love it and all of her music. It is quite profound.
O.k. ….so this is what amazes me. Do you have any idea how much goes into the production of just one song? It goes so far beyond the writing of the lyric and music. I love the saying “it takes a village” because it really is true, well….at least it is for me. I know that there are people out there who can do it all but I (sadly) am not one of them.
What started this latest rant you might be asking. I tried working on the vocal arrangements for the first song and I don’t think I really realized how difficult this was going to be. I have an ear for a simple parallel harmony but it is so much more than that. I haven’t ever worked on vocal arrangements with out a partner. I generally like to to let the music speak to me about where the harmonies belong. I know that sounds sort of strange but it is true, that most songs lyrics, will give you some clue as to the places the voice should remain singular. Sometimes it is more subtle than others but if you listen, the music will sometimes lead you as well. This is the part of the process I normally love. I have to say however, that my experience in this area is somewhat limited and usually took place in the studio with another person (who was somehow invested in the project) working with me. This time I was doing the work myself, at home, with a computer and two tape recorders because both of them have certain tasks they cannot do. One of them does not have a built in mic and the other will not fast forward or rewind. Crazy….I know but throw in my four year old and it has the makings of some strange sitcom. That being said, I did the best I could with what I had at my disposal. I can’t afford to work this out in the studio. I need to have it all ironed out before I go in so I am not spending too much time there.
I guess it really boils down to a matter of learning to trust my own voice, my own gut. I really want this to be a pure expression of myself but I also realize that people are good at what they do and perhaps there is great value in having the input of another voice. By that I don’t actually mean the “voice” but the idea and perspective of another human being. I do consider it a great value when two people can bring their vision to the table and in doing so create something that is greater than the sum of it’s parts. Oh the dilema! Am I letting myself off the hook or giving up on myself when the going gets tough. I am the queen of second guessing and sometimes it causes me to stop dead in my tracks. Can’t stop now so I guess it is back to the drawing board, in this case the two broken tape players, to give it another go. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can etc.