Monthly Archives: June 2011

ch ch Changes

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Yes….I changed the picture on my blog again. Maybe you notice and maybe you don’t but in my head that is me keeping things fresh. I do actually think about you the reader. I don’t want you to get bored. I actually think my changing things up from time to time makes us all stop and take notice. That is a good thing…or at least I hope so.

I grew up in the house I lived in until I was married. I spent a few months away from time to time but really, I lived in the same house for 32 years. Not much really changed in those 32 years. I felt fairly stable and tried not to expect too much. I think I was fairly happy with the status quo. When I did get married, move away and start a family of my own, my life was anything but stable. I moved 4 times in the span of about 3 years. We never moved by choice but because of circumstances. It usually had to do with the sale of our rental property. We have been through 5 cars in 13 years and are currently living without one. We have suffered major losses, several health issues and lived through a few job changes. All that being said, I don’t suppose I would change any of it. I wonder sometimes what my kids will do with all of this. I wonder if they will want to hang on to things because of having to let so much go every time we moved. Maybe they will be content to let “stuff” come and go because they don’t want to be attached to anything. It is something I think about a lot. I hope that they will ultimately feel secure in their faith and their family and realize that the rest is just stuff. I once heard someone say “be open to everything and attached to nothing” I like that philosophy and have tried to adopt it myself but it is a hard thing to do. I am still trying.

I think that change is good ultimately, it’s the transitions that kill me. It is hard to be on the threshold of great change while your foot is still stuck in the door. I know that this summer is going to hold so many “last times” for me and I am struggling not to grieve my losses before they are actually gone. I know that they are coming and I do anticipate great things around the bend but I am trying still to hold on tight to what is here and now. I don’t want to be sad about losing it while I still have it but I have been unsucessful. I will say however, that it is not a bad dilema to have. I am trying to see it all with a grateful heart. I suppose I am fortunate to have such great things in my life at all. I am moving into the next phase of my life, one that will hopefully include lots of song writing (a new car) and a CD. That is one constant that never changes. Music will follow me wherever I go and I feel certain this next round of changes will bring on so much more to write about. That always makes me happy.

Both Sides Now

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I recently watched a documentary called” Woman of Heart and Mind.”   It chronicles the song writing life of Joni Mitchell.   Some of you who stop by may already know this, but for those who don’t,  Joni Mitchell was a huge inspiration to me in my young life of 12 or 13.   It was her song “For Free” that I attribute my yearning to write songs .  Yes, believe it or not, even at that tender age I got that making music was not about fame or money although I have come to see how important that latter is to being able to create and share your  creations but….well, that is  fodder for another post.

I sat and I watched this documentary (all by myself which is a miracle in itself)and sang along to all the music  I sang to on those lovely summer afternoons when I had nothing else to do but listen to LP after LP.   I have to thank my brothers for that.   They  had   extensive collections and incredible taste.   I sang along and “put on a harmony”  familiar and comforting.   As they played music,  Joni spoke of her history and her muse.   She was saying things that I totally understood and I wanted to sit and chat with her for hours.   Here she was…..JONI MITCHELL….and she was saying things that I knew in my own heart and mind.   Dare I think that we are of the same cloth?   There were times of self deprecation that  I gave up song writing because I could never write like her.  It is only recently that I realized that I was never supposed to.   There she was telling me that very thing, giving me permission to write in my own style and not to be conformed to anyone’s   ideal of what a “good ” song consists of.

I was also struck by how much I had missed out on because I was so young.   My life experiences at that point,  left me with lots of questions.   I really didn’t understand so much of her poetry because I simply  lacked the maturity.   So what was it that made me cling to every song with such admiration?   It was the music itself.   Her harmonics and the wide open spaces she left for me to  sing along in harmony led me to places, musically, I had never been before.   Her lilting melodies went straight to my heart and rest there still.  The impact of that was profound but now I feel like I am rediscovering her and revisiting those places and finding rooms that I had completely missed.   It is a great feeling and it causes me to want to write and write and write……………..

If you are a Joni Mitchell fan,  I would love to hear from you.  Perhaps you can share your  favorite song or lyric.   We are a community of great depth and appreciation for all things lovely.