ch ch Changes

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Yes….I changed the picture on my blog again. Maybe you notice and maybe you don’t but in my head that is me keeping things fresh. I do actually think about you the reader. I don’t want you to get bored. I actually think my changing things up from time to time makes us all stop and take notice. That is a good thing…or at least I hope so.

I grew up in the house I lived in until I was married. I spent a few months away from time to time but really, I lived in the same house for 32 years. Not much really changed in those 32 years. I felt fairly stable and tried not to expect too much. I think I was fairly happy with the status quo. When I did get married, move away and start a family of my own, my life was anything but stable. I moved 4 times in the span of about 3 years. We never moved by choice but because of circumstances. It usually had to do with the sale of our rental property. We have been through 5 cars in 13 years and are currently living without one. We have suffered major losses, several health issues and lived through a few job changes. All that being said, I don’t suppose I would change any of it. I wonder sometimes what my kids will do with all of this. I wonder if they will want to hang on to things because of having to let so much go every time we moved. Maybe they will be content to let “stuff” come and go because they don’t want to be attached to anything. It is something I think about a lot. I hope that they will ultimately feel secure in their faith and their family and realize that the rest is just stuff. I once heard someone say “be open to everything and attached to nothing” I like that philosophy and have tried to adopt it myself but it is a hard thing to do. I am still trying.

I think that change is good ultimately, it’s the transitions that kill me. It is hard to be on the threshold of great change while your foot is still stuck in the door. I know that this summer is going to hold so many “last times” for me and I am struggling not to grieve my losses before they are actually gone. I know that they are coming and I do anticipate great things around the bend but I am trying still to hold on tight to what is here and now. I don’t want to be sad about losing it while I still have it but I have been unsucessful. I will say however, that it is not a bad dilema to have. I am trying to see it all with a grateful heart. I suppose I am fortunate to have such great things in my life at all. I am moving into the next phase of my life, one that will hopefully include lots of song writing (a new car) and a CD. That is one constant that never changes. Music will follow me wherever I go and I feel certain this next round of changes will bring on so much more to write about. That always makes me happy.

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