Sum Sum Summertime

Standard

My kitchen table is covered with embroidery floss, the result of an unsuccessful attempt at making a friendship bracelet with my daughters.   The untangling of the threads took most of our time and the youtube tutorials did not take into account that I have absolutely no skill for such things.   I was trying to check my self deprecating  remarks so as not to discourage my girls attempts but my frustration got the better of me.   It’s summer time, my kids are home and we have no car.   We have to be able to do crafts right?   Unfortunately …..I have never been a very good crafter.    I lack patience, skill and equipment.   There was no clip board or tape with which to hold the threads so I tried to use the sugar canister to hold them down….this was not my first mistake.

At the moment my number one son is upset with me because I will not let him wander down to the  boulevard to the thrift store by him self.   I tried explaining to him that it was not that I did not trust him but  that if  something were to happen (and it has before)  that I cannot come to rescue him as I am by myself and I have three other little ones (who are now watching a movie due to the unsuccessful bracelet attempts) that would not want  to go with me which would result in drama of another kind.   I have stopped writing this blog at least three times since a I started it because everyone needs something.   I have come to dislike summer in just about 14 days.

Really and  truly what I hate is the fact that I feel ill equipped when it comes to mother hood.   All I was ever any good at was singing.   That skill went by the way of their infancy and willingness to sit still and listen.   I don’t even cook!   I used to be a good cook but that was before I had kids and any tiny bit of patience I did have has long since been used up.   All I can do is  sing and right now I’m not really doing that.   Yet another crisis!

When I feel less than perfect in my parenting I can usually fall back on “well at least I can sing”  it is my “I can’t be bad at everything” net.   I just wish it had some practical applications to help me with some of my life challenges at the moment.   If it  could soothe my children who, at the moment, are burning up with cabin fever, or get me out of my financial quagmire, or at the very least, not serve as a reminder of yet  another thing I cannot do at the moment.   I find myself in quite a dilemma.

I will say however, that it has served as a time machine of sorts.   I have been thinking a lot about my own childhood and my own mother.    We used to giggle as kids when we looked at her year book and saw that she had a dream of one  day  being a congress woman.  My mom, a congress woman?   Who knows if that was a real dream or just one of those passing childhood fancies.   I do have to stop and think about it for a moment.   She was stuck in the house, without a car and usually with more than just her own children because she was always supplementing the household income with  babysitting.   What she must have thought on so many days.  Did she ever feel like she lost herself in all of it?   Did she ever feel like she was ruining her kids lives because she had no patience left?   I know it must have crossed her mind.   I would ask her these questions,  actually I have, but her usual answer is ”  I don’t remember”  When I ask “how did you do it?”  her usual response is “I don’t know but I guess I did because you are still  here.”   Not very helpful but I suppose  there is some wisdom in there.   “Don’t worry about it,  just do it.”   So I will pick up the reins yet again and ride those horses through another summer day and hope that at the end of the ride nobody fell out of the  wagon.   Maybe I will do some singing around the camp fire tonight.   “Smores anyone”   ( I can actually do that pretty well.)

Advertisements

2 responses »

  1. It turns out you can also write. 🙂 Hang in there! Your Mom, like my Gram, taught her kids to go with the flow, find the positive, try and succeed, try and fail, and keep laughing/singing/ trying some more. You aren’t ruining your kids- you’re teaching them how to live in the REAL world. They’ll remember “SUMMER”- that you made bracelets, or juice pops, or let them have ice cream for breakfast once or had sleepovers in the living room. And that you SANG. It’s all good.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s