Well…. this new section of my life didn’t work out the way I thought it would. I had a plan that when number 4 finally started school I was going to spend at least 6 months getting my identity back. I was going to work out like I used to. Believe it or not I do like to work out (especially kick boxing work outs) I was going to have uninterrupted time to write every day. I was also going to check in with a very good friend of mine for some collaboration and ask her to produce the CD. I was going to get my house in order and then start working and raising some money to get this project done. My resolve was great but I guess my plans were not to be. Little did I know that things with number 1 would get so bad that we would be home schooling yet again and my freedom would be cut short. Don’t get me wrong, I am glad that I am home and able to help my son get through this really rough patch in his life. It is what being a mom is all about sometimes. He needed this … well sort of…. but that is fodder for another post …. and I am here to fill his needs as best I can.
So where does that leave me. Basically, it means that I now have to try and squeeze things into the spaces that I have available and to be really kind to myself and let things go when I can. I have to not always stress that my house is a mess and that I didn’t do what a “stay at home mom” is supposed to do. What is that anyway??? I don’t seem to recall any rule books written on the subject. Perhaps someone could write one titled “The Top Ten Priorities of the Stay at Home Mom” Is it laundry and dishes , vacuuming or dusting? Perhaps it is school volunteering or baby sitting for your working friends and family? Some how we are left to our own to figure it all out. How can that be? Someone has really missed out on a huge market… or maybe it is out there and I haven’t had the time or the ability to focus on anything more than a magazine article to notice. I never had a vision of my life turning out this way and somehow the visions that I did have got really blurry and out of focus.
I suppose the good news is that my resolve hasn’t completely disappeared because I do still try from time to time to write a new song. I don’t really have an audience so to speak but I think it wouldn’t be too hard to go out and find one somewhere. I guess that isn’t really true as I do have a sizable audience right here at home that inspires me and supports me. I know that they are really listening because of late they have spent time together making their own music and talking about their own dreams, planning out who will play what when they start their own band. They know where music truly comes from and the power that it has to change everything. I can only hope they don’t lose sight of that or of each other. I think it is their bond. What ever it is they get it and they share it together and that makes this mom really happy.