When You Say Nothing At All

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Yes…..I’m still here.  I know it has been some time since my last post but I just haven’t had it in me. Along with a long list of  family,  school and church events among my reasons for not having written you can include a bit of malaise.  I have  been either too tired or uninspired.  It has  been quite  a struggle these last few weeks.  It’s not that I haven’t thought about it in fact the opposite is true.  I have thought about it daily and still have not been moved to write.

I have really been in my head trying to figure that one out.  I have been tempted to just let this blog  fade out,  die a quiet death.   Something keeps me from completely giving up but I’m not sure what that is either.  Perhaps you are now getting the picture.   I talked about “moving” in any direction as being better than being stuck in one place in a previous post and that is exactly where I have found myself…..stuck.   I think it might not be so bad except that the rest of the  world does not look favorably on sitting still.  I have been  more focused on  observation I suppose.  Watching myself and recording my daily thoughts (in my head )  and I have discovered something recently that leaves me quite perplexed.  I would like to be rid of it but I know that it isn’t one of those things you can just let go of.   It is something I have really  worked hard on and cultivated for so many years.  It has grown such deep roots that  I am not certain I can ever cut it out completely but it is most definitely my reason for being stuck.   So now I sit, completely self aware of both my problem and my “stuckness” and I choose to sit for just awhile longer and ponder my solutions.  Maybe I  will make a pros and cons list of all the actions I might consider.  That doesn’t quite feel like I’m moving anywhere but perhaps it means I have decided to at least purchase a ticket out.  It also does not mean that I will get on the train but at least I will know that I can when I want to.  ” To board or not to board, that is the  question.”

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One response »

  1. Writing should be because you want to. There’s no deadline, and no pressure. It’s a journal, nothing more, nothing less. If you started it to propel yourself further along the path toward a new album, well, I think you gave it too much power. Too much responsibility. Instead, I think you write because it allows you to clarity and focus… and purges some thought or feeling that needs to come out. For YOU.
    Feedback, schmeedback, as Betsy would say. Do it for YOU. NO GUILT, NO PRESSURE. Whenever the mood strikes!

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