It is 11:06 pm and, for those of you who don’t know me, that is pretty late for me to be up. Could be that huge cup of coffee (you could substitute energy and courage for the word coffee) I had before going into the studio tonight. I’m not so sure it worked in my favor. Singing is a really physical thing and I am realizing how much work I need to do before I ever step foot in front of a microphone. I cannot summon the spirit in a cup of joe or overcome my anxiousness with caffeine. Perhaps a little yoga would help me feel centered and relaxed. Basically, I need something that is going to get me out of my own head.
I found myself heading into tonight’s session with a lot of consternation and a headache. My headaches of late, I believe, have been exascorbated if not brought on by bad habits. I have only begun to work out again and my diet has been heavily laden with caffeine and sugar. What does this have to do with singing you might ask? Well….
I cannot sing with out giving my whole body over to it. I have to be able to be in my space comfortably and free of physical stress in order to connect to the song. With out connection, especially when recording and devoid of the audience, it all comes out flat. Sometimes figuratively and sometimes literally. Tonight’s material was all about letting go and trusting that you have all that I need and I went into it feeling insecure and a little depressed. I let myself get bogged down in what I didn’t have and the gave into the voice that speaks of what I think are my weaknesses. I think I rallied a little but it will be really interesting to listen back in a few days when I get the mp3s of tonight’s work. For now I sit and wait and work on being patient…again.
The take away for me tonight is two fold. Number one….I have to get healthy. I need to move away from temporary fixes and recommitting my whole self, body and soul to this project. Secondly I have to remember that a major factor in my moving forward with this project was to let go of my fears of inadequacy. I am taking the steps and proving to myself that I can do this! I have to validate my own voice before anyone else ever will. I am trusting in what I have been given and not handing this over to anyone else to fix or complete. I am learning and that ultimately good for everyone.