Re Resolution

Well it’s that time of year again….time for New Year’s resolutions and such.   I really do try to make at least one.  There is no larger or cleaner slate than the beginning of a whole new year, right?  The funny thing is that I decided not to make any new resolutions at all.   I guess that is a resolution in itself.    I really just decided to follow through with last years.   I am recommitting myself to the one I made last year which was to get a CD made.

I don’t know about you but I believe in signs.   I think God is always  pointing the way and when you finally ask,  “where to now?”   He will clearly send you a sign.   Yesterday while sitting in church  the readings were all about honoring your parents and honoring your father was mentioned about a billion times, or at least it felt like that.   That is how God is (with me anyway).   Most of the time he has to beat me over the head with it so I get it.   In this case I think He was just telling me that I was on the right path.

My dad and all that comes with that relationship, was really the nucleus of this whole idea.   It all started with one song about him and where I am at with his parting from this world.   Everything  changes when someone you love, especially a parent, moves on to the next life.   You really reevaluate everything!    It brought about a change in the way I even saw my own children and the new life I was expecting when my dad went on.   It changes you at your core.

So today I am moving forward in my endeavors to get this CD finished starting with the song for my dad..Home Now.   I hope to have it finished by February but I am not making any promises.   I hope to put together another show to raise funds to get the recording done.   Stand by for more details.   Oh, and by the way……Happy New Year to you and yours.

Have a Merry Happy!

Well,  I wanted to give you wonderful readers a little gift.    I posted another song on the  blog.   Go to the music icon at the top and you will find two songs there, Truly and now It’s Christmas Time Again.   I wrote the latter with my son’s class last year.   We wanted a holiday song that reflected more of an L.A. feeling.    I think we did o.k. in that department.   It’s nice to live in the “City of Angels” at Christmas time.   Who else can claim that title.  I do believe that we really are surrounded by Angels most especially at this time of year.   I hope that you all find some time to be still and quiet and reflect on your blessings this year and if you feel like that is difficult than blessings on you as well.

By the way….this is really just a demo….one take…..don’t expect perfection….just accept the love with which it is being offered.

Something Worth Fighting For

When is it o.k. to be selfish?  Ever?   “Why do you ask” you may be asking.  Well………

The holidays are here and that means that I will spread myself way to thin.    I have around 200 scarves to pull together to be distributed at our Christmas homeless luncheon.  I am not making 200 scarves mind you, I have lots of help.  I am coordinating the project…and not very well at this point.   I am also in the process of procuring 150 yards of fleece to make 150 lap blankets for the residents of  a convalescent hospital.   Once again I will have help making them but I have to get the fabric, assist in making them and wrapping them with  a bow.   I just finished with an event that I was chairing at the kids school as well as three separate caroling trips with school children and Scouts all while trying to put together a Christmas pageant from script to costuming.   I haven’t even begun any Christmas shopping or decorating in my own home……..AAAHHH!

Let me just say this….. I love doing this stuff.  Every last event brings me a lot of joy.  I just wish it wasn’t happening all at once.   It is my own fault for spreading myself way too thin and thus sucking the joy right out of some of this.   I also have a good friend  who is going through some MAJOR  life altering trials and my issues are so small in comparison and so I have no right to complain….and yet I do.   I know that I need to shift my focus and stop complaining and stop doing things that are stressing me out.   I need to learn to say no sometimes because my complaining and stress serves no one.

I also have this little CD that I would like to be spending my time on and I need (desperately ) to be writing and working on that but somehow I feel guilty about that.   It seems silly even as I sit here writing this but I really do feel guilty.   I wonder if maybe a jumped  the gun a little.   I expected that number 4 was going to go to pr-school and thus a new phase of my life would begin but the pre-school never opened and  I found myself feeling a little upset. (number 4 was too)   I feel badly about being disappointed.   How could a possibly be upset about getting to have him home with me for another year.   He is a real joy!   but……I had things to do.  I was going to be able to work out again and write music and go to the studio but now I have to wait.   I was so close to the finish line and then it got moved back another mile.   I thought I was going to regain a little part of  myself that I put away so many years ago when I had my kids but it wasn’t  my time yet.   I got too excited and then I felt bad about showing my disappointment.   So now I am back to trying to do it all,   all of the holiday stuff, all of the kid stuff, scrubbing the bathroom, doing the dishes blah blah blah…..and trying to write a song about it all.   I guess that’s why this blog is called In the Trenches.   Some days it really does feel like war fare.  I suppose some things are really worth fighting for.

Creativity for Creativity’s Sake

Over the last week, I have heard from so many of you and let me say thank you for taking the time to listen and send me a few words.

I wanted to make sure that you understood that this is just a demo of Truly (see previous post) and that is going to change a wee bit before it actually is called “finished”.   I am not going to tweak it too much as it has always been my intention to keep it simple and sparse and let the words really speak for themselves.

For me it is a very visual song and I have shot the video (in my head) a hundred times over.   I would love to make a video of it someday.  I’m not sure it would serve any purpose other than to be a creative outlet for me.   I’m not so sure that is a good enough reason.   Is it o.k. to spend ones time and money on something that really will not mean a hill of beans when all is said and done….or might it mean something to someone?   Creativity for creativity’s sake?   I do believe that we are all given visions  and to ignore them is really to our own detriment.   If I am to accept the difficulties and struggles in my life as “a part of God’s plan”  shouldn’t I then, conversely, accept those visions as right and good even if I think they are silly or trivial.   Never under estimate “God’s plans”!    Follow the desires of your heart because God put them there in the fist place.  So if any  one of you out there reading this fancies him or herself a camera operator and has the equipment let me know.

There I go again…..cart before the horse!   I will work on getting the CD done for now and think about that other stuff latter……but let me know if you are interested.

Truly

Well……it’s here.  If you scroll down all  the way to the bottom of the page and look on the left  hand side you will find the “Music” icon.  If you click on the title Truly you can take a listen to the first demo.   I hope  you take a listen and  tell your friends.

A little back story….I started writing this song about two years ago when number 4 was really still a toddler.   I used to sit on the bed in the bedroom and watch he and his big sister playing and found myself wondering how I got so lucky.   I picked up my other daughters little toy guitar and the rest is history.   It is a love song to my family.   I am so blessed.  Enjoy and let me know what you think.

It’s Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas

How is it that we can fall in the same hole over and over again.   Wouldn’t you think you would see it coming?   Somehow I don’t notice it until I am at the bottom looking up.

The holidays are upon us and already I am so stressed.  I haven’t even begun to shop and the stress of it is sucking the joy right out of me.   There are so many things going on at the kids school and I (per my norm) volunteer for everything.   I want my  kids to remember that I was always there for them and somehow that translates into being at the school all the time.  My back is not in good shape and unfortunately dragging my guitar back and forth (two long blocks) to school is not helping.

I have to say that there is almost nothing in the world that brings a tear to my eye faster than children singing, especially during the holidays, but it seems like I can’t even enjoy that the way I want to.   I do try to capture those quiet moments with my kids at home…you know the ones….sitting in a dimly lit room with a glowing fire while it snows outside and you, all cuddled up on the sofa taking it all in…….WHAT?   Never happens at my house.   Last night, we didn’t even light our Advent candle because I was tired of relighting it for the tenth time because number four can’t help himself and has to blow it out.  I was tired of the fights over who would read the scripture verse or who was touching who……. enough said.   I want the family in the movies or in all those holiday commercials.   I know someday we will look back and laugh and these will be our favorite stories but right now it doesn’t feel so nice.

The reality is that, yet again, the CD gets pushed to the back burner.   The money isn’t there and my focus….well…..it’s my focus which always seems to be very blurry.    I am left to wonder if this will ever happen.   That still small voice will not give up on it but somehow I am letting that voice down again.   The money stress, the school stress, the way too many kids stress…….I can  not let all that deter me.   This music has got to be heard in it’s best light.   To that end….stay tuned.   My husband thinks we can get a little snippit of the demo I made up on this site.   I’m going to give it a shot so stay tuned.   And by the way…..if you get any of those quiet moments….please share and maybe I can live through you all.   Happy (and peaceful) Holidays to you all.